Alone, or Lonely?

I don't hike solo because I crave solitude; I just want to make that clear. I crave many things that a backpacking experience provides, but loneliness is not one of them. Though, being alone does not necessarily make one feel lonely; in fact, for me it rarely does. But much of this trip was an exception. 

I had pangs the very first night, which surprised me because I was surrounded by humanity. I'm not exaggerating when I say there must have been 50 people staying the night. Thankfully, there are plenty of sites along the creek once you hit Seven and a Half Mile Camp, but I didn't know that at the time. (Found at 7.5 miles in...real creative naming with that one!) All I knew was there were a whole lot of people on the trail with full backpacks on; so many, that I was actually worried about even finding a place to lay my head.

My happy place

One group of girls assured me they'd squeeze me in if need be, after I took a group photo for them. (Just after they passed me--everybody passed me, of course. Nobody can touch my slowest hiker crown!) When I finally did arrive, a man (whom I assume was the scout master for the large group of boys who were settled in the largest site) directed me to a small spot off to the side of them that was the perfect size for me, myself and I. Bliss! I couldn't have been more content with my state of one-ness. Then I decided to go and try to find the girls to say hi.

My unhappy place

I don't know what I was expecting, but clearly I was hoping for something, because I left quite downtrodden. Girl bonding time? Did I think they'd ask, "Why don't you come sit by the fire, have a drink, and tell us all about yourself and your adventure?" Maybe I did; why else would I walk away feeling like an outcast? It's not that anyone was being unkind; it's just I felt I was teetering on being that creepy person who is making everyone uncomfortable because they don't fit in. I went back to my tent feeling like I should have a big "L" on my forehead. Sometimes being around a group of people can be so much lonelier than being alone. 

Mt Hood behind me once I got up to the PCT

Mt Adams in front of me, heading towards Washington

Overall though, my first 3 days couldn't have been better. Looking back, I realize how much the smallest personal encounters fuel me; a quick stop on the trail and a few minutes conversation is all I need. The couple who were excited to tell me about their plans to do all of Oregon of the PCT next summer, the family who filled me in on an easier way to get to Lake Wahtum, the guys who shared their beef jerky and told me a funny story about getting caught skinny dipping in said lake...each one made me feel part of the community, and therefore not alone. 

My amazing site on Lake Wahtum. I was confused as to why nobody else had taken it,
but concluded it must have been because everyone else thought someone was "saving" it with a fishing pole that was left by the fire pit. IMO, a fishing pole is not "dibs" worthy, so I got it, and never even had someone come back for the pole.

My PCT maps would have led me almost 3 (steep) miles up to Indian Springs,
then another almost 3 down to Wahtum. No need; stay on the Eagle Creek trail
and get there in 4 flat miles from the Indian Spring cut off!

Not once in the those 3 days did I feel afraid; even my last night (by myself on the tiniest site overlooking the Gorge) when I thought all the day hikers were long gone and suddenly a guy surprised me from behind. He was thoughtful in trying to make me aware of his presence so I wouldn't be startled, he made pleasant conversation about the great sunset view, and then he was on his way. Just another hiker, out enjoying what we all love. It did not even occur to me to worry if he might come back and "get" me. But all this serenity and peace would drastically change once I was on Washington soil. To be continued...