Wednesday, March 28, 2012

25 Dates, 255 Apologies, and 5 Romantic Trips In Year 25

I made this my Facebook wall.  So corny.

My husband and I celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary this month. I'm sure my friends and family are sick to death of me bragging about it...but they haven't lived the last five years of our marriage. I'm just amazed and thrilled we got here! I remember hearing the second year of marriage is the hardest, and of course everyone knows about the "7 year itch"...but you kind of figure once you have 20 years under your belt, you're good. Funny how life has a way of throwing you punches you never saw coming.

Sometimes there comes a time in your life when everything you believed and worked for and stood on as solid ground suddenly shifts...and you fall off. (my other blog explains all this) You don't want to leave everything that was safe and sure, but you just can't stand on that ground anymore. And most likely those around you can't come with you, because their ground hasn't shifted. There's nothing more scary, heartbreaking, confusing, and especially lonely, that I have ever experienced. And it's hard not to have resentment; especially toward the one person you really wanted to understand and be beside you.

It's a strange thing that resentment and forgiveness are bedfellows.  You need one to experience the can you forgive unless you've felt hurt? I know there have been much, MUCH greater offenses done to people, (if you can even call 'not understanding' an offense) and situations so painful that forgiveness feels like an impossibility. But I can't compare my life with others; I can only live my own. And for me, the lessons forgiveness teach are worth the pain. Because once you've learned to forgive, you start to experience what grace really is. Grace is freedom, grace is in grace is experiencing what life can really be. When you give grace, you start to truly understand how much you need it yourself. And then your joy doubles; because not only can you stop expecting others to be perfect, you can finally let go of trying to be perfect yourself, and simply cling to the grace that you know is yours.

I hope to have 25 dates and 5 romantic trips this year, (we've got one down...a trip to Miami for our anniversary) though the "255 apologies" part I could live without. Giving an apology can be difficult, because it requires owning up to a mistake; but I honestly think for me, it's easier than asking for an apology, because that requires a confrontation. Both are important in any truly loving relationship, because giving grace just for the sake of avoiding conflict doesn't really work in the long run. Though what do you do, when for whatever reason, that apology doesn't come? Compassion and understanding for other's shortcomings (because you have them yourself) once again. 
Miami, baby!
Sorry there is no hike to talk about, though I did look to see if there was any good hiking in Miami. (such a shock that there wasn't--so sad we had to settle for laying on the beach with drinks in hand instead.) The weather here in the Great Northwest is starting to improve, so hopefully I'll get out there soon. Maybe I'll get Ken to come with you think that will count as a date? I think if I pack a picnic basket and a bottle of wine I most definitely can.  Time to start planning. 
My kind of hike!