Dreaming is Free

I've never considered myself a dreamer. I'm more what you would call a realist...at times maybe even a pessimist. Life just tends to be more palpable when you don't expect too much. But for better or for worse, dreams have crept in.They excite and they overwhelm; they inspire and they disappoint. Sometimes I don't know whether to support them, or squash them, because of the longing and fear they create. So I wrestle with them--alternately holding and hurdling them away.

One of these dreams of course is my 50 Day hike on the Appalachian Trail when I turn 50. This particular dream fits well into my realist world. I simply plan it, buy the shit I need, and then do it. So I can check box #1 and #2 (ticket to New York purchased for August; no turning back!) and now I can only obsess and worry over #3 until I either fail or succeed. But my other dreams are far more complicated.

This made me laugh

And this too! There are some creative people on the trail!

To become a writer...a real writer...that's what I would call a ridiculous dream. My realistic, pessimistic brain can only scoff at it. But I keep writing anyway, because I enjoy it. And so it is also with hiking--even more so. I do it not so much to prepare to fulfill some dream or ambition, but because there is fulfillment in doing it in and of itself. Wouldn't it be nice to live all of life that way? "Good luck with that when there are bills to pay!!!"...oh my pessimist brain! It will always be a struggle.

These drinks aren't free, people!!

So here I am writing about my first quick backpack of 2018, with less than 2 months before I start "the biggie". With all that previous talk about hiking for the fun of it, I'd be lying if I didn't admit to how discouraging it was to have an easy 10 miles in 2 days kick my ass that hard. I know I'm just starting the season, but it doesn't seem like I should hurt this bad. But I have time to get in shape, right? There is this thing called a gym. I mean, it's not like I'm against doing the un-enjoyable when it's necessary...I'm just not very good at it. 

This quick trip to Lizard Lake was completely unexpected. I thought my first backpack this year would have to wait until my Stehekin trip planned for next month, but then I remembered Memorial day. Even though I knew I couldn't do Sunday/Monday, I figured I could do Monday/Tuesday if the drive was close enough to pack up early and head straight to work Tuesday morning.Thankfully I know Heather is always game for this last minute stuff I throw at her. The only thing she asked was that we bring her dog for his very first backpack--of course I said yes! I had Lexi strong on my mind, as this was the same hike I took her on for her one and only overnight last December. I sure miss her.

Dogs are cute and wonderful and all, but they can also be hella disgusting. After working hard at keeping Jax from chowing down on the constant supply of road apples left by the horses, as soon as Heather let him off leash at camp, he went straight down to the lake's edge to feast on the pile of horseshit marinating in the water there. Heather was on him quick; scolding him that "nobody likes a poop eater!" That is truth right there! And you better believe we were using our water filters that night. Nobody wants to be drinking essence of horse crap either.

Hey guys...there's a smorgasbord down here!!!

Sometimes you can't help loving a poop eater

We set our alarms for 5 a.m. because supposedly as long as we hit the trail by 6, I would make it to work on time. I picked this trail because of my previous experience last year, and I believed we should be able to cruise out of there pretty fast. Not only did I underestimate the state of my out-of-shape-ness, I overestimated the significance of the Max's "shortcut" Trail, because it was actually longer than if we had just gone back the way we came.

Only a short cut if you are coming from the other direction

I jumped out of Heather's car and ran into work about a half hour late looking and smelling very nasty for just one night on the trail, but it was all good. Even though cooking for preschoolers is not exactly my dream job, it's a place that has my back (thank God for Cheerios!) and it also pays the bills. (Well, a couple of them anyway.) I know that if I ever wanted to achieve my dream of making it as a writer, I would need enough faith to believe it possible, and then pursue it...and that takes work. I don't know if I have that faith. But I can continue to dream, because dreaming is free. 

P.S. More info on this hike can be found on my "A Lily, a Lizard, and a Lexi" post. 

Miss you girl!!!