So on that happy note, I decided to go on a hike. Ken caught me crying before I left and gave me the manly advice not to "freak anybody out" while I was hiking. ("Watch out, here comes a hysterical woman! Run for your lives!") So I choose a hike where I would spare the public my dramatics...it's only ten minutes away and not many people hike there because, like my thoughts, the trail is quite ugly. What a better place to throw a grand pity party than Devil's Mountain?
It's really just a service road--gravely, weedy, without many pretty trees or wildflowers, and steep as well.
I told a friend of mine that "God is bigger than our mistakes", and then reminded her that God's strength is made perfect in weakness. Do I really believe it? I'm trying--when my hormones will let me :)
So as I made my way back down I prayed and asked some hard questions. "Am I a problem drinker?" I decided when I got home I would get online and look up A.A. (they actually have a 'test' that if you answer yes to 5 or more questions you can consider yourself an alcoholic...that was one test I was thankful to fail) I prayed about going back to school; even though money's tight, maybe an online course here and there is doable. Hiking Devil's Mountain everyday? Let's face it, there's no way in hell that's going to happen. (pun intended ;) I was deep in my thoughts ("Kelly's world" as my neighbor calls it. I never wave when we pass in our cars because I'm often stuck there) and you wouldn't believe what happened. I managed to get lost. (which is pretty difficult to do, considering it's a ROAD) Kinda ironic, huh? But unlike usual, I didn't panic. I didn't beat myself up. (well, maybe a little. The road goes down...how hard can that be?) I didn't obsess over the time I wasted. (just more exercise, right?) I just turned around and tried to find where I had gone wrong. And eventually I did--there was a Y in the road I hadn't noticed. Lessons learned...sometimes it takes getting lost to find them.
I want to give you a hug, Kelly. Be kind to yourself.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, your photos are much better than any of mine are, so I'm glad you used yours. :)